Bigger than selfishness

I’m a selfish person. Paul says in Romans 7:15, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I feel like in some way I make everything about me in. It really is frustrating.

Recently, a good friend of mine and fellow surfer purchased a new performance board, which is something I have wanted for awhile. I have a fish shape that I bought with my first paycheck after college. I couldn’t wait to buy a new board back then, and have enjoyed it very much. I was happy for my buddy to get the board he wanted and worked hard to purchase, and from here began my mental journey from “want” to “need.” You see, I’ve not surfed much at all since buying my board. I have many thoughts on why this is, but the reasons aren’t important. So, when I decided that I “needed” a new performance board, I began looking online for gently-used boards. I made my way to a local list serve and began clicking on various descriptions of boards. After about 15 different items, I saw a simple description that read, “surfboard.” When I clicked it, it read, “I am looking for surfboards in good shape to use for a Christian ministry. I can do minor repairs if needed. God bless.”

Wow. At this point I had made such a case for why I needed a new performance board, but could I give up the one I already have? This was on my mind for several days. I felt so materialistic, so worldly. I haven’t surfed in more than a year, and in my warped mind I thought:

1. I need a new board.
2. I need to keep my old one.
3. At the end of the summer, I need a wetsuit.

I am not saying that it is wrong to own a board. What I am saying is that I allowed myself, someone who already struggles with selfishness, to value worldly treasures over eternal treasures. Fortunately, further along in Romans 7, Paul says, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

~ by wilewis3 on May 7, 2007.